From the prison cell of smallest possible dimension I can see the sentries are exchanging guards-are on a strict vigil, as if a criminal like me can escape from the cell in a whisker- by dint of a magic lamp.
Even if I have the magic lamp, I will never ever think of escaping. I am not a coward!
Or am I!
When the special court judge had pronounced the death penalty- I was boiling hot with anger. Since I was inducted in the mission-our philosophers told us that we are going to do it for a noble cause- it is a jihad. But now, in my dark prison cell, where I had not seen sunlight for months-I thought it over and over. Now I realised that what I did was not an act of bravery-no, certainly not. Butchering helpless children, women and old –can never be an act of bravery. It is simply cowardliness! I do not have any anger over the judge. If I have a chance to see him again- I would have thanked him to arouse this sense of repentances, this feeling of guilt in me- making a man out of an animal.
And those so called philosophers-who told us that we will be martyrs. If I can see them again…….
No I am not going to harm them- because violence can only give birth to violence
! I would have asked them instead-does they have any right to brainwash those minds-as innocent as flowers.
When I have get themselves inducted into their group- I thought I will make abbu and ammi beaming with pride. And now I know that their heads are hanging in shame. if I could have started the life anew …….
Everything will be very different…………..
And Salma-my little dear…..I know that still you weep thinking of me-when no one is around-when no one is there to watch that you are shedding tears for a murder-an animal in disguise of a man.
Salma-I wish sometimes you may write me letters at the address of sky………………
Sunshine- if a faint ray of sunshine happens to enter my blind prison cell, in my blind life- I do not know what magical effects it would have on me.
I lost count of time-after I had seen the open blue sky. A piece of sky- if somebody could have gifted me a piece of sky- I would have easily gifted him everything that I have.
But the irony is that now I have nothing except my past.
If I have the slightest idea where to get a time machine and return to my boyhood-my green days when I used to celebrate the Republic day or the Day of Independence……
it is spring time in our jannat e jahan- winter gone, new leaves are on bloom, chirping of birds are announcing the pronouncing the advent of youth- but my world will die soundless, colourless- blind!
Small bit of colour, small bit of sound………..
If I have a chance- I would have told my parents- see, your little boy is now a big man. He now knows what is right and what is wrong.
Alas-it is a little late.
We got a small piece of paper when we cleaned the cell of death convict no-14. I read letter on that piece of paper-the letter that I have quoted here!
I do not know why even for a tough nut like me- I felt my eyes were a bit wet!
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